Stop shaming my tampons, Ms.Brenda

A trip down memory lane on how our high school teachers shamed our period products.

---

I remember being told by my teachers in school to make sure our period products were “discreet”. This aggravated me to no avail, even back then. They addressed everyone in class, and even reminded us out in the hallway individually. I know it wasn’t only my high school, this is a trend I’ve chatted about with lots of peers and it happens to be something teachers feel the need to say. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: things have changed when it comes to talking about our bodies. Hell, I even remember that 20ish years ago it wasn’t talked about if you went to therapy. Thankfully, that narrative changed and instead of being the weirdo for needing to talk to someone, you’re encouraged to go see someone! I’m still waiting for that to happen when it comes to periods. But of course, because it happens to uterus havers, we aren’t there yet.

Anyway - back to being told to being discreet (advanced apologies for any ADHD derailed train of thoughts). I remember being 15 or 16 and a friend of mine needed to change her tampon at our break time on a school day. We walked to her locker and she was so annoyed that a teacher had just told us to be discreet. She decided to walk across the hallway to a further bathroom and through a group of people while shouting: “This is a tampon! It goes in your VAGINA!”, and people were shocked. Some were horrified, some were in awe and seemed to sport a look of approval and others were of course - grossed out. 2 guesses which group was grossed out. This outburst might not seem like a big deal to you now, but imagine this at 15-16 after being told to be discreet? The issue wasn’t only that we were being told to hide our products and essentially hide that we were on our periods, the issue was also that we barely learnt anything about our bodies and our periods! So not only are these people not teaching us a damn thing but then they’re going around and telling us to hide something that happens naturally? Do you know what that makes people feel? Shame. I cannot count how many friends of mine felt shame when talking about their periods around others that weren’t our friend group. See, my friend was so sick of this that she decided to make people uncomfortable and I freaking love that. I’m pretty sure someone complained and we were told again that we should be “discreet” going forward in the following class. But hey, that was a step and she did what she felt she needed to and it worked.

"Shouldn’t you teach the importance of acceptance, understanding, and support?"

I also remember going home that day and talking about it with my mom. Luckily, my mom has never really been one for following the “rules” - especially when it comes to patriarchal school rules like hiding your tampons or not being allowed spaghetti strapped tank tops for no good reason other than “it’s distracting”. I told her about what my friend said and I remember her saying “good, don’t hide them”, and I think I needed that approval at the time. The fact that teachers, even teachers who menstruated at some point in their life, told us to hide our pads and tampons really bothered me. It felt so wrong, so incorrect.

I understand that even a 10 year difference can have such an impact on what someone was taught and how they were brought up in this ever-changing world, but it felt so backwards, like they were encouraging the wrong thing. Even the younger teachers - what are you doing? Don’t you remember how confusing it is to get your period and having to get used to it? Don’t you remember how you weren’t taught anything about your period and your body because the educational health curriculum is complete shit and hasn’t been updated in far too long? Did you not become a teacher to teach the younger generations? Shouldn’t you teach the importance of acceptance, understanding, and support? Shouldn’t you, as a teacher, as someone students look up to, speak on behalf of your students? Some teachers didn’t even address periods, because they were clearly grossed out and uncomfortable. But why the hell are the other teachers not saying anything? And even IF you did say something about the curriculum, do you really think telling your 15-16 year old students to hide their products and hide what their bodies are going through is going to have a positive impact on them and how they view their bodies?

Luckily, I had support from my mom, my aunts and my cousins. My friends and I also supported each other as much as we could. However, I was one of the few who had such immense pain that I had to stay home during my period as I was bedridden. My family supported me through this time and my friends couldn’t relate but still understood and supported me as best they could. That’s basically where the support ended when it came to period pain while being in high school. I was constantly ridiculed by the “boys” and made fun of for missing almost a week of school every month and being told I was faking it. I was teased for having red hair and was told that both my period pain and red hair was because I was a witch (which I am, thank-you), but they meant it in an insulting way. My teachers even had trouble believing me - all except 2 CIS male teachers, one in drama and one in math and sciences. They really gave me the support I needed and always ensured I felt up to the assignments and didn’t and wouldn’t fall behind.

"Kids deserve to learn about their bodies, to be listened to, supported, and validated."

I’m not sure why the cis women teachers didn’t support me - and again, that felt wrong. I remember one gym teacher saying “It might actually help if you did some laps” when I told her I needed to sit out because I had just gotten my period. I laughed sarcastically and went to sit on the benches, because absolutely fuck you for saying that. Instead of saying “thanks for telling me”, or literally anything supportive, she had to imply that I could just live with my pain and work through it, in front of all of my classmates. That’s some gaslighting shit and I didn’t realize it until many years later. The most frustrating thing is that I wasn’t the only one at my school that had period pains, and this wasn’t new. The gym teachers never changed, they were the same for the whole 5 years and ever since I got my period I had pain, so why the hell are you saying this when you know it’s an issue not only I have, but others have? Plus, as IF no in your life ever told you they had period pain! Shouldn’t you know as a gym and health teacher? Because of course, they were both. Why hire an actual health teacher when we can get the gym teachers to do the job mediocrely? Because why is health important to teach when we need the kids to be doing the beep test to pass their gym class?

Everything is absolutely backwards and it drives me wild. I didn’t know any better until it was too late, I couldn’t say or do anything. My mom and aunts were exposed to even worse, so they couldn’t say or do anything either. But here I am, saying something now. This shit needs to stop. Stop making menstruators feel bad about menstruating - my body is doing this without me having a choice! I didn’t choose to bleed once a month. Even more - I didn’t choose to have pain for ¾ of the damn month! Why are you making me feel ashamed about my period? Why are you not teaching compassion and empathy and setting a damn example? So it’s anti-bullying until it comes to periods and the uterus and then you can actually take part in it? Shame on you. Shame on all the teachers who ever made anyone with a period feel bad about themselves and what they could and couldn’t do during that time. You are a part of the problem.

That being said - you can be a part of the solution. If you’re a teacher and you’re reading this - you can make a change. Teach your students to feel proud of their bodies and to talk about them and ask questions. Teach all of your students to be understanding and compassionate. If you’re a parent, teach your kids the same thing. Talk to your kids about their bodies, make sure they feel good and confident. And especially, make sure that no one, including their educators, are making them feel ashamed about their body. Kids deserve to learn about their bodies, to be listened to, supported, and validated. The only way we end the stigma around period talk is by continuing the conversations.

And remember - don’t be a uterbitch, be a utersis.